true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
