Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
