The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Im part way to drunk.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
