moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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