I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
