i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
