You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
