i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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