Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
