if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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