Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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