That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
