My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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