my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Someone signed my nipple.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
