You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize