I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
