Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
