i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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