We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
