I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
