she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
