I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
