Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
