$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
