dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
