so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
false alarm, still single
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
