he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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