I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
