Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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