i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
