I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
People in love make me want to vomit
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
