just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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