Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
