He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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