if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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