oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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