the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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