toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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