escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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