I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
