all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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