I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize