Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
