I showed him my bush... on skype.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
