yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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