I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Holy shit dude........stairs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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