she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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