I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
