I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
