Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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