I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He? As in you personified your dick?
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