**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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