I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
