You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
