You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
