Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
