if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
