Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
