I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
