You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
