I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
jump out the window naked night went bad
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize