And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
